So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
