my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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