She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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