if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
