Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
