Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
