just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
