i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
