had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
