he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
