I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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