im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
