on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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