How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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