You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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