he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
