Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
