I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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