i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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