The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
