About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
