Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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