First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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