I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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