don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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