i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
