I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
