I just cut my nipple shaving
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
