I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
