Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
