I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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