I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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