a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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