My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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