he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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