My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
