the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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