This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
