I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
