Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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