shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize