My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
