how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
