In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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