is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
