she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
