Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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