I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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