You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
