we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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