You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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