I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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