we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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