I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
