Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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