i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
