I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
