wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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