***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
