you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
