Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So much rum. So many feels.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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