Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
