it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
