at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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