Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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